You Just Want to Hurt Me, And Leave Me Desperate

Currently Listening: My Heroine (Acoustic) - Silverstein
ohay!
lots to tell, lots to telll....
so tyler set me up with his friend dave. i feel like i already mentioned that. lets just say he wasn't what i expected. i was expecting so annoying jerk who was just as big headed as tyler who i was going to hate. lets just say i was far from right. he's probably the biggest sweetheart in the world, he always knows what to say to me, he's cute, smart, gets along with my friends, mad athletic. i can pretty much tell him anything. did i mention i'm falling for him? yeah, this is weird. i haven't felt this way about anyone since chris....fuckshit. i'm still not over him. oh yeah! i kinda lied to dave about some things. and i feel horrible, but yeah. you'd understand if you knew why. i'll list them..
#1: i'm over chris.
#2: i didn't give chris my heart.
#3: if chris came to his senses, i wouldn't go running back into his arms.
clearly i'm full of shit. but anyway, tyler was right. he is chris. like it's bad. but it's...good? idk, i still feel like chris never left me sometimes. sure, he dropped me on my ass when i needed him most. maybe that's why i haven't gotten over him. i loved him, as much as i denied it. it really hit me hard. i never missed him that much before. i guess i finally realized i can't try to be strong forever. because being strong in this situation was just me being in denial. so i'll admit it. you broke my heart. you ripped it out of my chest, stomped on, rode your bike over it, and shot it straight to tyler like a hockey puck. all right in front of my friends. but that's what they're there for. to help me pick up the pieces and move on. i never cried over a guy like i cried over you. hell, i don't think i've cried over anyone like that. what made you so special? what made you leave such a huge impact on me? i fucking hate you for that. we weren't even together very long. why did it hurt so bad? like i'm sorry, but you ruined me. i miss you. i hate you. i love you. get the fuck out of my head. and sometimes i feel like nobody understands. i always talk to kristina about it, she seems to always know what to say. she's been there, she gets it. yet i still get that feeling like i don't have a best friend. because people have said it, but do they mean it? i know i shouldn't be dwelling on this, but it sucks. oh, and by the way: YOU BROKE MY HEART.

"Your face arrives again, all hope I had becomes surreal. But under your covers more torture than pleasure. And just past your lips there's more anger than laughter. Not now or forever will I ever change you. I know that to go on, I'll break you, my habit."
-Silverstein